You’ve probably been broken by at least one person. But you’ve probably broken at least one person. Sometimes, we want to believe we’re incapable of being the latter, or that we didn’t become the breaker intentionally. Most times we’re oblivious to the fact.
If per any adventure, I’ve been wrong about you as you read this, I apologise for assuming. However I need you to step out of yourself for a few minutes to show some empathy for the people this piece is addressing by reading on.
Truth is, everyone’s hurting. I haven’t known anyone who’s not going through one thing or the other my entire life. Everyone around you is hurting. Including you. And now, more so because we’ve all been in this incredible experience together.
I don’t know about you, but if anything, I find that when you’ve been hurt, it could produce a negative or positive outcome.
Negative, if you don’t painstakingly attend to it and just put a bandaid over it. If you don’t address it. If you’re not vulnerable enough to sit with and face yourself to identify its foundation, its root cause… What ensues is, because you haven’t dealt, you inherit the trait of hurting other people. Because for what its worth, “it was done to me, and so I’m doing the same to others”. And even though somewhere deep inside of you, there is a tugging that reminds you of how you felt when it was done to you, the need to directly or indirect hurt others has been sewn deep within you and now bears fruit. That’s why the saying “hurt people hurt people” exists. So we create a vicious hurting cycle and it goes on and on for generations.
The positive outcome is possible depending on your reaction to being hurt. As opposed to someone who doesn’t process or try to deal, you’ll have to be someone brave enough to painstakingly go through it. I’m no therapist but dealing is like going through the grief stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. It usually takes a lot of grace, humility, self awareness, character, the willingness to forgive (self and other party(ies) involved and the ability to forget. And though difficult depending on the level you’re at with the above stated criteria, if you press in, you’ll come out of it a better person, with a kinder heart that will bear fruit which in turn will impact generations.
All of that to say that the world needs to heal so that it can bear fruit of better people with kinder hearts that impact future generations.
If after reading this, you’re able to do a self assessment and figure out your role, if you’re the breaker or broken, the hurter or hurting, then half of my job is done in bringing you awareness or possibly reminding you. Do the work, seek out the root cause… start the process of healing. And when you’ve done the work of healing, either as breaker or broken, don’t forget that you can heal again.
PS: If you don’t fall under any of the categories, then great job! But you most likely are witnessing another person perpetuating or going through hurt. Try not to be a by stander.